Believing the Loss
by ADarkerDestiny
Summary: My heart is gone. Don't tell me to love. I can't... After this, I can never love again. Because of Naraku's newest scheme, Inuyasha is left a broken man. Kagome desperately wants him to heal, but with few options, how can he ever be the same again?
1. Part One

Disclaimer: As much as it pains me to say it, Inuyasha isn't mine. 

Well, quick A/N: This story is going to be very angsty. Things aren't going to get really horrible til about the 4th chapter or so, but still... Just a warning. Also, I'm going to be looking at Inuyasha's feelings for Kikyo in this story. A lot of people hate her. Sure, she wanted to destroy Inu, but she died thinking the man she loved betrayed her! Gotta give a little slack for that. Anyway, this story won't be bashing her. Which girl will he choose? If, of course, if he still has the capacity to love when the story's done with him.

Each chapter is cut into two main parts- A _Kikyo _and a _Kagome _part.

Hope you enjoy: _Believing the Loss_

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Part One:  
Kikyo: 

_  
I never stop thinking about you._

_Kikyo..._

Inuyasha woke up with a start. He had been dreaming again. Dreaming of her. She still haunted him. Fifty years at least- granted, he spent them in an enchantment, but they were still there to be counted. His heart was forever aching from the old wounds that their love had created. It would always hurt him; no matter what he tried, he could find no remedy for the ever-present scar Kikyo had left on him. Always, it would remain.

He yawned recklessly, and cracked his back. Sleeping in trees could make one a little stiff. Guiltily, he looked down at Kagome. She had been in his mind a lot lately, too. And she accepted him, just as Kikyo had done. She cared about him, even if she did "sit" him more and more frequently. And she was beautiful; she looked so much like... _Kikyo._

Inuyasha turned away from the campfire, facing instead off into the darkness. They were two different girls. Even if Kagome was the reincarnation of the great priestess, she was still her own person. And she thought he didn't realize that. Well, if he ever cared enough to tell her, he did realize it- he very much realized it. Kagome was Kikyo in appearance, and also in soul, but their personalities were so different. Kagome was more stubborn, and not nearly as serious. She got flustered easily, and just blurted out whatever was in her head. She didn't like to talk about "feelings"- and while Kikyo had never been particularly open, she didn't try to cover it up like Kagome did. They were both different women, but they both had his heart.

In reflection, he found that maybe it was never really the girl. Maybe, instead, he had fallen for the soul. It made sense- Kagome was Kikyo's reincarnation; she carried that great soul in a new body. But, of course, she would never see it that way. Kagome was absolutely unreasonable when it came to Kikyo. Even though she tried to act like a martyr and be understanding, she was really angry and jealous. He couldn't help what he did; he wanted to save Kikyo, and he wanted to see her. Why couldn't Kagome accept that?

The situation was a delicate, complicated one. On one hand, he could try and forget about Kikyo, and be always true and loving to Kagome- well, as loving as he could be. On the other hand, he could tell Kagome that he didn't love her, and though he appreciated her help in gathering the jewel shards, his heart would always be with Kikyo. But, on yet another hand, he could keep carrying on as he had been, keeping both of them in his thoughts and his heart, hoping that a solution would just magically present itself. Somehow, though that seemed easiest, it seemed the course of action that would cause the most trouble.

Life... love... It all was a big, disgustingly complicated mess. There weren't that many people who would accept him, being what he was, and finding two girls was a miracle in itself.

"Inuyasha?" A soft voice said suddenly, breaking him away from his thoughts.

"What?" he replied gruffly, keeping his voice low.

"Are you OK? Can't you sleep? Or do you sense something dangerous?"

"I'm fine," he told her sharply. "I... I'm just not feeling tired right now. Go back to sleep, don't worry yourself about me. I can more than take care of myself."

Though she tried hard to suppress it, a yawn pulled open her mouth. "I know you can take care of yourself; you do that plus take care of all of us. You just seemed so restless. I can't help worrying about you, you know."

"Just go back to sleep."

"Whatever. You just have to be so stubborn." She turned away, snuggling into that sleeping thing of hers she brought back from her time. He watched her silently until he was sure she had once again fallen asleep. His head fell back onto the trunk of the tree, memories and old thoughts plaguing him. Things were getting harder and harder to handle. As long as the others didn't notice, he was fine; as long as no one noticed just how distracted he was, he could brood in peace.

_XXX-cut scene-XXX_

Naraku chuckled to himself evilly; a malicious smile on his face, and an insidious plan in his mind. "What are you so happy about?" Kagura asked warily, "It's not like you to be so giddy."

"Oh don't worry Kagura," he said in an oily voice. "You'll see soon enough; I have another way to get more jewel shards. And you're going to play a part in this too. But of course, it's not like you really have a choice, is it?" He laughed again, in an even more evil way than the first time. "Wouldn't you like to hear this brilliant new idea?"

With a wave of his hand and a glare, he dismissed Kagura, who promptly flew off, knowing that if she didn't do exactly as he wished, he would destroy her. What irony, to be in the control of the foulest conglomeration of demon abominations ever conceived when the only desire she had was to live freely. She wasn't a wind user for anything- she was the essence of the wind itself, and one day she would blow any trace of Naraku away. But until then, she was forced to do his bidding, pressed under the thumb of a tyrannical monster.

"You're going to suffer so much, Inuyasha," Naraku whispered to himself. "I'm going to annihilate any happiness left in your heart. You won't wish for death when I'm through with you; no, you'll wish that you never had to live at all. I hope you remember your nightmares, because you're about to face them once again. I'm going to plunge you all into a darkness that could compare to hell. Enjoy the suffering while you can; I know I'm going to."

Standing up, he slunk out of the room, ready to put this new plan into action. If everything worked out as he expected it to- and it would, of course; he was a master manipulator- then he would be rid of Inuyasha for good. And since he knew Kikyo wouldn't interfere, there was no one to stop him. No one could stop him- no one at all.

* * *

Kagome: 

The sun woke the travelers up. It's warmth pulled at them, until they couldn't help but open their eyes and face the day. Morning was still new; the ground was wet with dew and the light was bright and low. The atmosphere was unusually quiet, as though the day would be an unforgettable one- terrible, and completely unforgettable.

"Are we ready to go?" Inuyasha asked impatiently. "I can smell something of Naraku's, so he must be close. The sooner we leave, the sooner I can kill him."

"We all want revenge on Naraku," Sango said wisely, pulling hiraikotsu onto her back. "But we could just as easily be walking into a trap. We've got to be ready." She looked off into the direction they were going to be heading in. The direction where Naraku was waiting. Her eyes gained that glassy look of recollection, and everyone knew she was thinking about Kohaku, who still stayed with Naraku, trapped in his commands.'

Kagome was just as anxious as everyone else. And nervous too. Her instincts told her that something was going to happen, and it was going to be something bad. Something horrible. But she didn't know what to expect. And she couldn't tell the others that they shouldn't go. With Naraku that close, so near to finally being defeated, she knew her friends were like rabid wolves after their prey- there was no way they were going to give him up.

Suddenly, she felt a light pressure on her shoulder. It was Shippou, who had jumped up to talk to her. "Kagome," he said seriously- quietly. "I don't like this. I know it's Naraku, but... I think there's something wrong. Am I just being paranoid? Because I'm brave, just like Inuyasha." He puffed his chest out proudly. "I'm a real demon; something like Naraku doesn't scare me." But just as quickly, he took off the act. "But I still don't like this Kagome; I really don't like this."

She smiled at him sweetly. "Neither do I Shippou. I don't know what's going on, or what we're going to find, but I don't like this any more than you do. Something's waiting for us, and no matter how hard I try to beat down this apprehension, I just can't seem to get over this feeling in my gut. He knows we're coming."

"Oi, Kagome," Inuyasha called. "Get that brat and come on. We need to get going now."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm coming."

And with that, they set off, drawing ever closer to their sworn enemy.

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End A/N: Well, that's the end of the first chapter. I'm expecting to finish the next soon. Now, I know this chapter was boring, but give it a chance. And like I said, no Kikyo bashing in this story. And don't flame me just because you don't like her. Thanx!

A.D.D.


	2. Part Two

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha. This story is for entertainment purposes only.

A/N:Here is the next exciting installment. Enjoy!

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Part Two:  
Kikyo 

She could sense him. Somewhere, Naraku was plotting and planning even more of his increasingly malevolent deeds. He was horrible. Worse than the most bloodthirsty demons. Worse than the most reckless, murderous humans. He was intelligent, manipulative, and mean. And he enjoyed pain... So very much, he thrived off the suffering of others.

Kikyo sighed. She couldn't forgive him. Even if she never was able to love Inuyasha as she did once, even if she was forced to remain living a half-life in a body made not of flesh and bone... Naraku was her most hated enemy. He might have loved her once as Onigumo, but that person, that heart, had been long since cast-aside. Whatever kinds of disgusting, wretched demons had taken over that body, they had poisoned an already rotten soul, until any trace of humanity was gone, and lost in the sea of squalor that Naraku was infused with.

_Revenge.  
__Regret.  
__So much pain..._

She knew, she was painfully aware that there was no hope for her in that world. The world of the living was a realm she had left a long time ago, and it no longer held a place for her. She wasn't supposed to be living. Death. That was truly her fate. But every dead thing yearns for renewed life, and so she would... live. If the painful existence she was forced into could even be called living. The very air was thick and rank with evil. Something, somewhere was about to be destroyed.

"If my suspicions are correct," she announced to the air with cool, calm assurance, "then Naraku has finally managed to create a worthy plan to destroy Inuyasha. It's Inu... yasha..."

With but a trace of firm resolve, she whirled around towards the source of the new, destructive energies. She might not be able to save him- Inuyasha wasn't her concern, and certainly not part of her quest- but she could get the jewel from Naraku. She could end his hopes of using it to become even more powerful, and with that new power surely damning the entire world...

* * *

Kagome: 

The group of shard hunters were moving as quickly as they could, Inuyasha and Kirara running and flying at top-speed. The wind was whipping around them, curling their hair around their faces, sending goosebumps up their arms, whispering ill-tidings and warnings of danger into their unsteady ears. The anticipation was rough and troubling; the feelings that washed over them were hard and set- all eyes were nearly blinded with the knowledge that they drew closer and closer to a hellish creature that had caused them all so much suffering.

Inuyasha raised his head slightly, sniffing at the air. There was no doubt of it- Naraku's damnable scent was getting stronger and stronger. It made his toes curl at the very thought of what was lying in wait for them, no doubt aware and eagerly awaiting their coming. If he- they- could just sneak up on the bastard once -ONCE- then they stood a chance of beating him. They stood a good chance of getting back a piece of their lives- pieces that were mired in tragedy and pain. Naraku relished that pain, he actually took pleasure in the anguish he made others feel.

The very thought of that made Inuyasha even angrier, his vision blurring into a red haze, the only focus he could find a phantom vision- Naraku's smirking, despicable face. That was the push he needed. With an almost strangled growl escaping his throat, he sped up, almost flying in his haste, as his feet barely touched the ground.

Kagome clung tighter to the hanyou. He was unreachable. Something had happened to make him even more determined- even more vengeful. She understood his need; if he didn't destroy this great, malicious being, then he would collapse within himself. Maybe the love he had for Kikyo hadn't been strong enough to beat a fake betrayal. She knew who badly that hurt him. When such deep, tender sentiments are used against their owner, and then shattered, the pieces don't always fit back together. The hate was all that was left. The gaping hole in his heart could be felt by anyone around him, if only they knew him. And finally, with the death of his greatest oppressor, perhaps some of that wound would at last be filled.

Kirara noticed the increased pace of her moving companion, and sped up to match it. She could smell a battle imminently approaching- the tense muscles of her mistress on her back were proof that something big was just up ahead.

The atmosphere had a few subtle changes; as they neared their destination, the very air became heavier, everything was weighted down by some invisible terror.

Suddenly, Kagome yelled, "Inuyasha! A barrier! It's a barrier!"

Not questioning its purpose, or why Kagome could see it when no one else could, he whipped out his sword. It glowed an eerie, sparkling red, and with one quick swipe the barrier dissipated into empty nothingness. With no hesitation, Inuyasha leapt into the inky blackness that waited on the other side.

Suddenly, he heard Kagome scream. "Sango! Miroku! Shippou!" With a skid and a curse, he stopped and looked behind him. The barrier had been re-formed, leaving their companions on the other side without them.

"We have to keep going," he said gruffly, pulling her attention away from the others. "He's right here! So close Kagome, so damn close! I'm not going to lose him this time! He won't get away."

Though she wanted to protest, Inuyasha immediately started running again. Her voice died in the airy wake they left behind, going steadily faster and faster until his limit was reached.

That was the only conscious thought in his head- he had to keep running. Everything else was an incoherent jumble. Revenge, pain, desperation, and hatred all mixed together in his mind, as his goal drew nearer and nearer. He could almost taste it.

They were on a hill. Looking down, a large, gloomy castle came into view. That was where he was hiding- that was where the final battle would begin.

Inuyasha jumped down, starting his descent. Suddenly, a heavy violet fog surrounded them. "Inuyasha," Kagome yelled, though he could barely hear her through the tempest of wild, raging winds that they were locked in. "What's going on?" she asked wildly. "Where are we?"

"Shut up!" he cried, "I have to think. I don't know what's going on any more than you do!"

They were hit with a wave of pain. Excruciating, blinding pain. He heard Kagome's agonized screams as she was pulled from his back. He grabbed wildly, trying to grab her and pull her back to him. But he felt nothing. Even his eyes, that had begun to sting and burn, couldn't make out anything but the thick, malodorous curtain of what he was sure was some sort of new miasma.

It hurt so badly. His blood was boiling, heartbeat pounding in his ears. He couldn't take it. With a gasping noise akin to Kagome's scream, he curled up into himself, trying to escape from whatever had him in its grip. It hurt so much; he couldn't think, though desperately he tried to grab any thought he could. But all his efforts were futile. The pain wouldn't recede, he couldn't get it to go away. His eyelids felt like they were burned shut; he could no longer open his eyes. Sharp pains similar to the feel of the pierce of a sword assaulted his entire body. It hurt like nothing had ever hurt before. Death began to seem beautiful- wanted. He just wanted to escape from the unbelievable, crippling pain. It hurt. So... badly...

With a last determined cry, he finally began to give in to the welcome, waiting arms of oblivion. Consciousness faded slowly, until his body's ache became a throb. Then...

Nothing.

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End A/N: Any comments? Criticism? I'm probably going to discontinue this if I (still) don't get any reviews, so please tell me how I'm doing! 

Preview of Part Three: There was so much screaming. All around him, there were relentless, agonizing screams. It cut him so deeply. That much anguish threatened to push him off the brink into madness- his very sanity was taken away as he listened again and again to the suffering of other hopeless souls...


	3. Part Three

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha, and this story is not for profit, only for entertainment.

A/N: I apologize for the long interval between updates. I sort of... well, I didn't really have a plan, and I forgot I had this up and running. Ah well... I'm here and back to work again! Enjoy!

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Part Three:  
Kikyo

She wasn't running- there was no way she was going to act like she was concerned, or in a hurry. Calmly and cooly, just like always, just like a huge chunk of her soul was residing elsewhere (which, in fact, it was), she made her way to the barrier.

Standing in front of it were the traveling companions of the hanyou: a monk- she knew Naraku had cursed him with some sort of hole in his hand, a demon exterminator- she knew Naraku had destroyed her village, and a kitsune- connection to Naraku as of yet unknown.

"Kikyo," the monk said sternly, drawing the attention of the others to her. "What are you doing here?"

"I sensed Naraku," she said dryly. "Surely you realize that this unnatural wall before you belongs to him."

"Of course we realize that," the monk snapped. "We just watched Inuyasha and Kagome walk through it, but as soon as they were safely on the other side, this huge cliff-face appeared. I've tried everything I can, but nothing will get through it."

"I tried my hiraikotsu," the demon exterminator said, "but it didn't even chip off any rock."

"And I tried my fox-fire!" the little kitsune put in sorrowfully. "But the barrier is still just as strong as ever."

Kikyo looked at the formidable rock formation that, according to the others, had risen up just after the barrier had been breached. She knew Naraku was up to something, but she wasn't sure what. The others hadn't been able to get through, so obviously Naraku had no use for them in his plan. Whatever was inside this new barrier had been made for...

"Inuyasha," the group of shard-hunters heard her say. "This was a trap for Inuyasha."

She turned around to fiercely glare at them. "Did not one of you notice anything amiss? Did anything seem different from any other time you've faced Naraku? Why did you just let him walk in there- right into Naraku's trap?"

"Lady Kikyo," the monk said lowly, his voice heavy with defeat, "Exactly what would you have had us done?"

There was no reply. Tightly closing her eyes, Kikyo approached the barrier. Her hands were extended in front of her as she slowly made her way to the giant cliff. When she reached it, instead of feeling rock, or even anything, the barrier broke apart to let her hands through into the cool air that stretched beyond it. "It's solid," she said, "but only for objects. Naraku wants no living thing- especially someone that could help Inuyasha to get through. If you walk through, you will wind up on the other side of the protected area. Whatever Naraku's doing, he's made sure that there will be no interferences. Whatever he's doing, he's going to break Inuyasha once, and For All."

* * *

Kagome: 

Inuyasha and Kagome still hadn't found each other. They were floating in an endless cloud of oozing, noxious gas, swimming along with the songs of screaming playing over and over in their heads. Both their voices had been lost from the sound of their own helpless screams, so there was no way to call to each other, no way to find that shred of familiar hope in the sea of displaced anguish they were forced into.

Inuyasha soon regained consciousness. He didn't know where he was, and any clues he may have been able to gather from his surroundings were lost to his fragmented awareness- able to sense only his pain. There was so much screaming. All around him, there were relentless, agonizing screams. It cut him so deeply. That much anguish threatened to push him off the brink into madness- his very sanity was taken away as he listened again and again to the suffering of other hopeless souls.

He tried to block out the sound, but to no avail. He could only float, and listen, until whatever had him in its hold decided that he was no longer of any value.

It happened sooner than he would have expected.

He was dropped off onto soft, grassy turf. When his eyes were finally able to see again, something registered as familiar. But he wasn't given the time to figure out what, because at that moment, he heard a soft whimpering.

"Kagome!" He cried, frantically sniffing the air for any sign of her scent.

She was only a few yards away from him, hidden from sight by a large tree. Her eyes were closed and her entire body was shaking. He could smell tears on her face, and he heard the sobbing screams that echoed from her lips. She was still caught in the enchantment, he realized. He yelled her name, asking again and again for her to wake up. His clawed hand gently touched her shoulder, and her eyes finally snapped open with a wild start.

"Inuyasha," she whispered. "Oh Inuyasha! You're safe; you're safe." She threw her arms around his neck, holding on tightly- as though he would disappear is she couldn't feel him.

"Do you remember?" he asked softly. "We had just crossed Naraku's barrier, and somehow... we ended up here."

Kagome looked around, trying to discern their whereabouts. "You know," she said suddenly, "this looks sort of like Kaede's village. Only... I don't know why, but it feels different."

Inuyasha agreed, and was just about to voice his own opinion, when he heard her gasp. He saw her trembling arm reach out and point to something behind him.

"It's... it's..." she could hardly speak her surprise- and trauma from their harrowing experience- was so great. "Inuyasha, it's..."

He turned, and saw what had nearly shocked Kagome into speechlessness. The time in wherever they were was obviously early, as the sun barely peeked above the huts in the village. And standing there, framed in a doorway was a man with long black hair who was obviously human. He didn't look very old, perhaps in his mid- to late-twenties. He was handsome, but there was nothing extraordinary about him at first glance. But what Kagome recognized, what Inuyasha himself recognized as he stared at the stranger, was an uncanny resemblance to someone else. Someone who wasn't human. Someone who only looked that way on a new moon...

A woman came out of the hut and stood at the man's side. Her face was still in shadow. "It's early," she said quietly. "The sun's only just rising."

She stepped closer to him, placing a small hand on his arm. She was only wrapped in a loose sleeping gown that looked rather like s misshapen sheet. But her face... Suddenly her face was illuminated by the early morning light. It was... But it couldn't be! Inuyasha and Kagome exchanged a disbelieving glance, before turning back to the couple before them. The woman... she looked alarmingly like Kagome. But it wasn't her. This strange woman looked exactly- down to the last hair- _exactly_ like...

_Kikyo._

The mysterious woman yawned again, and put her arms around the man beside her. "It's early Inuyasha," she said warmly. "Come back to bed."

_And between the two tired, troubled visitors... there was only silence._

_

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_

End A/N: I hope that surprised you! This idea is finally taking shape! Don't forget to review, please!

Love and PEACE!  
-ADD

Preview of Chapter Four: "What do you think?" that hated voice spoke maliciously in his head. "This is the life you could have had if I had never interfered. Doesn't the very thought justfill you with... joy?" And then the voice laughed, in the most disgustingly cruel way he ever could have imagined. With the last ounce of strength he had, Inuyasha screamed. And screamed... and screamed... and...


End file.
